took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
