I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
