I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
