...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
