My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
