I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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