Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
