I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
