I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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