Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
