where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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