Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
