i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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