dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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