This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
