So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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