Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's shark week go big or go home
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
