A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
