i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
