she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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