My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
