I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
