Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
