first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
