New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
