You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
