im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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