we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
