i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
