honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
