i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
