I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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