Who did Billy Mays play for?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
