I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
