In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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