oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is an emotional support booty call
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
