I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
