Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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