You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
