Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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