Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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