i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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