Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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