I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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