she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there was a trapeze. enough said
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
