dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
