I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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