She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
