The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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