If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
