i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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