great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
