6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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