we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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